Break-Up Butternut Squash Mac and Cheese

This is a recipe for healing a heartbreak.

I discovered three things:

• I hate baked mac n' cheese

• I'm not a big onion fan

• I prefer veggies on the side, not mixed in.

I hated how mine turned out, but this is a recipe for trying something new. I put a spin on a recipe from Gimme Some Oven that I've made for years.

First, I added peas and mushrooms to the macaroni, per the blog's suggestion. Then I wanted to try baking it with a crispy fried onion crust. It sounded good in theory, and I liked the fried onion bits before they went in the oven, but after they came out, they were way too burnt for my liking. The worst part of this dish was that they looked like burnt roaches!

There is a high correlation between flavor and emotion and every time I made this dish, I layered on a new memory.

I first made this in my high school cooking class, and I also used to make it for my ex. It would be a tragedy to never make it again because of association with one person. Your memories collectively simmer in a dish and can constantly change as you age. You are literally experiencing new flavors and associations each time you make something.

I remembered that I hate baked mac and cheese, all the sauce disappears into one dense lump, and the baking process is too long to bear. I also discovered that while I like mushrooms and peas, they awkwardly break up the texture of the pasta and I prefer to eat them on the side. The bits of mushroom were the exact shape and color of the pasta after it had all been baked. I couldn't tell if it was an undercooked pasta noodle or a meaty mushroom. Then there were peas. The texture and much smaller size than the rest of the pasta made it unpleasant.

Overall, what I got out of this meal was a laugh and some other ideas for what to try next. Your ex's memory may stick around when you do things alone that you used to do together, like cook a dish they really liked, but it served as a lesson that crumbs and burnt-up bits have no place in my recipes.

Maybe your mac and cheese will be something you like, but be open to all outcomes. You will never know from inside your comfort zone. You can start with very simple changes that elevate the dish into a new version of itself.

Check out Gimme Some Oven for ideas on what you can add to your recipe.

Here are some of my ideas for what you can try next:

Butternut Squash Mac N' Cheese Variations

1. Add 1-2 tsp truffle oil to the sauce right before serving

2. Use 2-3 different cheeses. You really can't go wrong if it's a melty cheese.

3. Serve with crispy bacon bits on top

4. Try a different noodle shape or noodle color. Try a gourmet truffle pasta, or go to the farmers market for some fresh pasta.

5. Add in some herbs. Add these fresh or dry when you cook/steam your butternut squash. Chop them finely and blend them with the butternut squash in the blender.